Drowning Isn't the Best Solution

Freyja Griffin one day realized that she was born to die. But then, everyone else is too. So she decided to make do with her life

Thursday, December 21, 2006

'Tis The Season To Be Jolly

He's going away for the holiday season. Hadn't seen his family for years.

I hadn't seen him for 10 days.

I was pretty upset when he cancelled last night. I won't be seeing him again for God knows how long. A month? What if he decided to pack his bag and left somewhere like he did before? He does have that tendency. Something that I somehow admire from him. That strain of uninhibitedness. That ability to switch into a complete ignorant.

He did came to me this afternoon. Has this becoming a need? I know it does for me, but is it mutual?

We had time enough to cuddle and shared obscene jokes. How bizzare that our bodies fit into a tangled mould. I used to think I would feel only so cozy with my ex.

His flight at two.
Couldn't get through to his phone.
He'd worn me out.
He'd joined me in my dream, too.
Such a bliss.
A pleasant, pleasant feeling.
I'm going to miss him.

some family artefact some 200 years ago

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Him and His Devious Plan to Conquer

Date:Wed, 16 Dec 2006 07:01:20 -0800 (PST)
From: Fenton <turner@bri...>View Contact
Subject: My little tiger
To: Griffin.Freyja@Gi...

I like
it when I unclasped your bra
We were kissing and I put my arms around you
and unclasped your bra
It only took less than a minute
often you
would hardly realised it in between the kisses
and often it was undone
before I could say "Achoo!"
Me unclasping your bra
It's very intimate
and sexy
only happened in a heartbeat
I like it when I unclasped your

Of course I LOVE to do other things to you too...
need you
asked that? [winks]

but that very short moment of me unclasping
your bra
will always be remembered with a smile.


Delicious delicious bastard, he is.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Leap to the Sky

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

The song had been generously given to the world by the beatles

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


Sarah and I chatted past midnight last night. I told her the nightmare I had several days ago. I told her I'm not usually superstitious because that's Trey's habit, not mine. But the nightmare was leaving a bitter after taste in my mouth. It was something I didn't want to feel and really rather not know at all. I got worried. And I don't want to be worried.

It was nice and comforting talking to Sarah. She told me some of the things I need to know so I can deal with the unspoken fear budding within me.

"You should never let the fear take over you. It's only going to make things worse, and even makes what you fear the most coming true."

I sat there listening to her. We ran out coffee. I was getting sleepy and tired. The night was bright. I was glad Sarah was around.

talking over coffee somewhere

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

School Cool 2

People do not go to school to broaden their knowledges. No. That was the second goal. The first being hanging out with your best friends checking out the opposite sex.

Last month a friend of mine hooked me up with his co-worker, a nice guy, whom he thought will enhance the quality of my life as a single woman. After a couple of minutes talking over dinner we found out that at certain periods, we attended the same school, befriended the same people, and probably met every single day but not really realising it. Until recently.

This was bizzare.
Not just for me.

"How come I didn't notice you before?"

Alone in the confinement of my private space at home, I thought about those questions he asked.

Digging the old archives of my memory library, I did notice him. I knew how he looked like back then in school. He was my bestfriend's classmate so I saw him quite often when I paid visits to her class. It's just that he didn't attract me enough to be bothered to do anything more than just a scarcely passing glance. Back then he wasn't even my type.

I was 13. Back then my type of guy was the boy who got caught smoking in the restroom, and was often seen hanging out with the equally "cool" boys. He dated a typical goodie-two shoes girl, had the typical school sweethearts relationship, and I hated his girlfriend. Night by night I filled my Diary with the details of our encounters or no-encounters during recess. I was obsessed with him.

None of those matters anymore. I am way over a decade older now. After a series of seriously wrecking kind of relationships, I've formed and reformed the definition of "my type of guy". I even have new definitions for relationship.

To be honest, I'm sure I wasn't her type of girl when he was 13. Back then, we were all just horrible barbaric and uncivilized monsters.

So, aside of getting reasonably high with your bestmates and learning various techniques to give hickeys on various anatomies, people do go to school to be tamed and civilized.

Artefact of the last millenia was stolen from here

Uplifted and Soaring

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Do I Want It That Bad?

"Do you want it that bad?"

I was sulking because he didn't spare time for me in his hectic schedules. It's not that I'm needy, I just love his touches. I just wanted him to claim me. Because I'm a rare prize and I've chosen him to claim me. I thought he should appreciate it more.

"Do you want it that bad?"

Perhaps he waited for a verbal affirmation. A "yes" from my lips. But I kneeled down and showed it to him instead.

We didn't have much time. I can't complain. He was being so sweet today, so I appreciated that.
Had we enough time, I'd show him some more appreciations.

"I have to leave. My flight's at three."

I know. Sorry I kept you. That was wonderful and so sweet of you. Thanks.

We didn't kiss at the door. The timing was inappropriate.

"I'll be back on the 15th"

"January?" that long?

"No, silly, December."

We waved goodbye.

That simple. We can't afford complicated things.
At the moment, I rather like it this way.

School Cool 1

Highschool was hell
Highschool was cool
It was a school

Actually I love schooling.
Everything in the school is set to make you feel challenged. Mentally. Sexually.
Endless taunts in the classroom and during recess.
Mid teen-agers' my peers are way cooler then yours in the cafetaria.
I didn't know what an erection was and how it works.
It was erected right in front of my face.
And me, I aced in Biology.

My bottom aches.
Sat too long a time today.

Saw his new hair cut today
Can't complain
Far too much occupied
I love kissing him

classroom stolen from here

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Warm Like Chocolate

Can't concentrate
Really awkward today
Like trying to pick soybeans one by one using chopstiks-awkward.

Like trying-to-pinch-soybeans-using-chopsticks-one by one-after-drinking-too-much-caffeine-awkward.

Kicked something last week. I forgot what. My toe nail remembers, I bet. Didn't notice but now I saw. It's not coming off anytime soon so I can't be bothered. Give the toe nail a chance!

I remembered I had it bronze two months a go. Looked good with the tan.

I hate my tan now. It's never coming off!
Good, right? Wrong, bad!

Standing nude in front of my mirror makes me want to pack some stuffs, don't forget my wallet and run away to find me some beach I can sink my toe nails into.

It hasn't rained properly lately, so that's... it depends on the point of view really. But I rather it rained only just lightly, throughout the day.

I chatted with him today
Will not complain
I miss kissing him
Does he miss kissing me?

a cup of hot chocolate stolen from here