Drowning Isn't the Best Solution

Freyja Griffin one day realized that she was born to die. But then, everyone else is too. So she decided to make do with her life

Monday, August 15, 2005

I live in a box

Human can never actually be free.
As fatalistic as they can be, they would only run into another confined space with yet plottable boundaries.

So why are we running?

Why am I running?

I live in a box.
I don't think human are meant to be kept in a box.
We're not bugs.
Even bugs are not meant to be kept in a box.
These boxes came from other people.
I think I have several for myself too. Sometimes it's big. Sometimes it's small. Sometimes I can grow within it. Sometimes I can't even breathe.
I have each for every different person. But this boxes are lidless. I let others grew out of it.
Some did. Some didn't.
Yet, somehow I always got inflexible boxes. The ones that doesn't even have holes to peek out, or breathe. Crammed. Pained. Killed.
I run from these boxes.
Maybe not.
Sometimes I stayed.

Or, rather...
I ran, but I convinced them that I was still inside.

I don't see why this is so hard to understand.
I don't think anybody wants to be rejected.
So I live in their boxes. Just to please them.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Better Luck Next Time

Two A.M.
You felt like you're about to explode. You had a bottle of pills ready at hand. Cold water from the tap. Found yourself in the mirror. So familiar and yet unknown. Who is this creature? Secretly admired it. Standing so tall, perfect. A perfect nuisance. It was in pain.
You suddenly remembered you were about to explode. How could you forget such an important thing? Is it your system. Is it in your head? Is it far? Is it near? Why are you standing there looking at yourself?
You don't recognize her anymore.
What was that? It was important two minutes a go.
Maybe some fresh air would help. Ok, how about some music? Better make it a cheerful one. No...wait, a contemplative one. You needed some thinking. Deep thinking.
The bottle was still in your hand. You did realised it. You didn't want to remember it.
OMG what am I doing?
Maybe it was nothing.
Three A.M.
You tried to talk to someone. Nobody rises that early. You tried to reach someone.
But you couldn't. You shouldn't. It's your own life. Your own doing. Your private pain. Your silent burden. Nobody else's. They don't deserve this. Nobody does.
Do you?

There's no indication of
What we were meant to be
Sucking up to strangers
Throwing wishes to the sea

Tuesday, August 09, 2005


OKe, udah berapa abad ya gak ngisi blog?
Dari Desember.
Nggak penting lagi? Lost interest?
There had been a major shifts in every aspects of my life.
I can say i'm much more morbid then I used to be. If someone in particular read this, he, I know this for sure, would be rolling around laughing his majestic arse off.
I'm not sure just how serious people perceived me to be.
Not too serious, I suspect.
Because I let my craziness loose too often, they think I don't have any deeper contemplative side...at all.
That can't be too good. It can only be goof.

Isu minggu ini



When you stop something, it provides a start for something else.

You don't have freedom, what you tought as freedom is actually a set of new boundaries you yet crossed.

Bah, gombal macam apa pulak itu!

Once again I felt extremely lonely in a crowd last night. We were in a party. It was quite okay. And then, this guy, he stepped in, started to dance. I didn't pay too much attention at first. Had known him and met him before. Didn't really catch it on until last night.

I'm not that sad.
I'm not that sad.
But in the crowd, I'm lonely.

"I keep falling in love, I keep passing out, when I see a face like you."--Radiohead

I should blame it on the Blackstar gitu kali??

This is crazy.
All advice coloumn would say something like "Don't give it out too much" or "Don't look too wanting, expecting, needy" or "Don't expect anything too much"
Yeah right. Well, after about a year and a half of consecutive wooing by the same person, I daresay it is HARD not to expect anything. I expected every-thing!
Oh, how about this "Don't think that the world won't be as beautiful, when you don't have someone to share it with"
What idiot wrote that?
It's like this, once you get used to wear clothes, and then you strip it off, you'd want to wear clothes again. You know how effective the clothes are in fending off the chill at night, or ward off the bugs from getting a sap of your precious blood... should you feel nudity is only natural, you'd want the clothes atleast when you're out in the swamps, at night.
So...that's what it is. It's like clothes. You can change it as much as you want, but you want to keep atleast one!
And why would I want to pretend I don't want one? When I obviously do?

I'm smart.
Too smart.
They are after me. (not)

Moral: Don't EVER read advice coloumns. They only going to make you feel worse.

But basically I think I should go out more often.
Don't you?