The Drugs Don't Work, I Want to See Your Face Again

I wonder what all these new drugs do. I guess to have no more fears. --- Rufus Wainwright

Chemicals stopped me from despairing. When I was weak, it gave me the illusion that everything is amendable. I could just leisurely glided on like nothing happened. A short cut for the dreaded dark long tunnel.

But, chemicals stopped me from feeling. It took me nearly half a year to regain what I lost; a speck of warm sunlight in a cold cloudy day. Something so taken for granted, so minuscule for other perhaps, but to me it's more than I could afford.

Now. Now I am plainly scared shitless. It's not only the dreaded long dark tunnel, but also the junctions within it. An endless maze to God knows where. You know how bad my eyes get in the dark.

Can I please hold your hand this time, so as not to get lost?