Drowning Isn't the Best Solution

Freyja Griffin one day realized that she was born to die. But then, everyone else is too. So she decided to make do with her life

Friday, October 15, 2004

Drowning Nights

Drowning nights occur when you rather do something that you know will waste your time and after doing it you know it won't make you feel any better. Just dragging along the empty street with your bag heavy with burdens you'd rather not unload because you're a keeper, or rather you're just afraid to lose?
Fear is sometimes a repression of anger. It doesn't matter which is worse, being angry or being scared.
When people says you're wrong, you will always be wrong. In their eyes. If it
has become a collective judgement, what can you say? No matter what the popular
optimistic believes would persuade you to be positive, in a system not a tiny
voice can be heard. Unless, that is, you have a stronger bargaining position.
What would you trade to be able to control your life then? At that particular moment when you want to change something so desperately? Would you trade the possibilities and chances with your emotion?
Without it you won't feel much of the pain that you usually have to endure during the process. A long tiring and seemingly endless process. Then again, if you don't feel the pain, would the process have any meanings at all?So do you have to be in pain to get what life is all about?
And why am i rambling about all these nonsense at two in the morning?
I just need love. Whatever love is. A mistake came up ; i thought friendships are supposed to last and endure, or was i born in the wrong age? A bizzare love triangle : Guinevere, Galahad, and poor old Arthur. If friendship is not love, than what is?
Asking so many questions but getting no answers...
I should lose the emotion by now, you think. I think so too. So why does it still hurt?
Also a popular believe that emotional is a part of being young... is this somekind of a curse? Can one not want to stay young inside when the risk is being silly, emotional and all?
...have i told you...the power of many overrule the lest... no matter how i feel i don't define me. other people does.
how does that make you feel as a living human being?
i am emotional